Lacy MacAuley

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a home for my pen, projects, and passions

poem ~ i tested the lock

You open your mouth to cry
and rusty nails spill out
barbed wire
upon your skin
your longing from the early days
still furrowing your brow

I wanted to sing a song to you
Soft and warm, in that magical scale
that pleased the Lord
that simply says, “I wanted to love you,
and wanted you to love me.”

Your calculus of coded requests
did not fit onto my songsheet
Your equations made awkward guitar chords.
How can hands do what gears are made for?

I wanted to hold his face
cradled as a baby bird
and soothe him with
a cool wind of calm
and love and attentiveness:
I hear you. I care. I love.

Instead he read from his yellowing book
of yesteryear’s dirges.
One soul tested the lock on his door.
It required courage, and I’ve got iron veins.
Some children get security blankets, he had his door
to keep the chill away from cold hearts.
His locked door.

He shut the windows tight
blocking out the birdsong.

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