Lacy MacAuley

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a home for my pen, projects, and passions

tears for orlando

Yesterday I was at the DC Capital Pride Parade, a day of celebration for the LGBT/queer community, and was given hope that we could all live in a world with less hate. Today, the news from Orlando has crushed my heart. The victims of this terror were those who are only seeking to live for love. The worst kind of violence that chills the soul. The solution, however, is never more violence, but more love.

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I’ve been struggling with the closeness of the these shootings. Feeling like I’ve escaped violence, in Turkey and the US, through sheer luck. The feeling of “it could have been me” is a bit self-centered, I know, but it is real and I am very rattled…

After the parade yesterday, I almost went out to party with friends afterwards, and would have been on a dance floor at an LGBT/queer club, but had a schedule conflict. That night someone attacked the community in another city. If this attack had happened in DC, it could have hurt me or someone I care about.

In Turkey, three terror attacks occurred in places that I had recently been, including two that killed tourists in Istanbul on streets that I had been on myself. One was in the city of Bursa the day after I was there. Another was on a street in the old town of Istanbul, a few weeks after I was there. Of course, one of the scariest moments in Turkey was when I was captured and detained by Turkish police for simply trying to attend a large, public rally with President Erdogan. Then there was the sexism, oppression, and violence towards women that I am still processing…

Am I invincible? Of course not. I know that when my time comes, I will go calmly to that light at the end of the tunnel… But I still have a song in my heart, and I do not want to die just yet… the nearness of all of it is just a bit much.

Love to all who are having a hard time like me processing and healing from all of this violence. I am with you.

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